Two weeks ago, during a Zoom call with David Burton, we got talking about what it means to be a good neighbor. David had a surprising answer. According to a University of Missouri survey, 66.5% of Missourians say a good neighbor is someone who stays away and respects their privacy.
“We’ve gone from saying a good neighbor is someone who invites us over for dinner to someone who leaves us alone,” David says.
David is the editor of one of our favorite resources, the Engaged Neighbor newsletter, from the University of Missouri Extension. In 2022, 2024, and 2026 MU Extension ran the State of Neighboring in Missouri survey, hearing from 2,000 adults across the state.
But David is quick to say that this number is only part of the picture. Missourians want their privacy, but they aren’t looking to be isolated. Seventy percent greet their neighbors regularly and 61.5% would prefer more meaningful connections beyond just a casual wave hello. You can read more about it in his latest blog.
We wanted to see if the data held up across the country. For its 2025 American Neighbor Survey, the Survey Center on American Life asked 5,357 adults a similar question. Like Missourians, 65% said being a good neighbor is more about not getting too involved in your neighbors’ personal affairs.
Some folks take that to heart and keep their distance. Almost half of adults (48%) didn’t spend a single social evening with a neighbor in the past year. And 59% never worked with a neighbor to fix a problem in their community.
The national numbers look bad for folks who want to be more connected to their neighbors. So, should we give up and leave people alone? Not really.
Just like in Missouri, the national data shows a more nuanced picture. The same survey found that 88% of adults say it’s important to live in a place where people look out for each other.
So, what can you take from all this? Folks value their space, but they’re also looking for a chance to connect and support each other. So reach out to your neighbors. As David stated in his blog: “Being an engaged neighbor doesn’t mean being in everyone’s business. It means knowing enough about the people around you to notice, care and help when needed.”
If you see them around, invite them over and find something to do together. Or try inviting them with a flyer to a casual gathering (hint: you can use the new flyer tool in Plurality). It’s a low-pressure way to say hi, and it lets your neighbors decide if they want to show up.
That’s how David started in his own neighborhood. He invited the men on his street to have coffee in his garage every Friday morning before work. He started reaching out to them by handing out flyers door to door. It took a while. He set up the coffee and chairs three or four times before anyone came. Three years later, about 10 neighbors show up regularly. They’ve organized barbecues, gone to basketball games together, and done service projects in the neighborhood.
You can read more and start your own by trying David’s Blueprint.